Proudly Swazi...no really I am!

Big Brother will change my life I swear. Yesterday the housemates had to give a 2 minute speech about their country and promote it to Africa. So many of them went on and on about minerals and independence and all sorts of other things that won't determine whether I visit or not. Then Lerato went up in her Sotho gear, make-up and hair done so beautifully, then she spoke. She spoke about a relatable South Africa, a country I lived in for 3 years and she made me want to run back.

Then I started to think what I'd say about Swaziland on an African stage. Anyone who knows me well knows that "patriotic" is too strong a word to describe me. I go where the wind blows. Open to all, loyal to none. But I am Swazi and I'm proud of that. However there are too many things wrong with the country; I couldn't stand up there and boast about development when I see none. I couldn't speak of a high literacy rate when I know too many people not awarded the opportunity of formal education. I couldn't speak of the country rallying behind a sports team that makes us proud because well...we don't. I couldn't speak of a well run government...errrr no one can.

The things I love about being Swazi are things that can be found anywhere but are dominant here. There is absolutely no rush in Swaziland, though this can get frustrating at times (read Home affairs) it makes for a very unflustered nation. Swazi's are quick to smile and slow to judge. They take pride in their culture, at this point I would then be forced to speak of the reed dance which I've attended once. And no, not all Swazi girls are virgins! Some days I'm grateful for the greenery and having to slow your car down for cattle crossing the road, but on other days I crave a concrete jungle where my dreams can be made from. I love this country because it raised me, its people taught me and its grass cushioned my falls. I hate this country because it raised me, its people taught me and its grass cushioned my falls (this makes sense, don't think too hard).

I probably wouldn't be the best person to perform this task, but for an honest, painful sometimes heartwarming look at the country I'm your go-to girl.

Swazi flag

Why to visit:

We smile a lot.
We are hospitable.
We believe that "tandla tiyagezana" meaning "No man is an island, to prosper we need each other" This is obviously not the literal meaning. Literally it means something totally out of left-field.
We have a king.
All our restaurant meals are subsidised by our "amazing" government.
We have a great culture which we love to teach to visitors.
We have the reed dance.
Father Christmas lives here, the North pole was a rumour that got out of control.
Swazi girls really are the hottest.
We have a breath-takingly beautiful country.
Our national anthem is the boss!
We are an awesome people who firmly believe that our awesomeness should be experienced.

Some of these are brave fallacies, you won't know which until you come for yourself.

Come on Africa tell me how you're doing. Nine bengwazi

Mirror mirror on the wall, why am I not the fairest of them all?

As usual my sisters and I were discussing Big Brother last night, yes it is the sum of our existence. If you're through judging I'll carry on then...so we begin to speculate how we'd do in the Big Brother house.

We decide that Ayanda would be awesome because she's got such a sunny disposition, it would be near impossible not to get along with her. She's tolerant, smart and beautiful, the housemates and Africa would love her.

Ayanda (in the white hat) with Tema our little sister.

Anele is the middle child so growing up she had to find ways to not be overlooked so she read the entertainers memo and wrote her own! she's funny, gorgeous and so smart, most importantly she isn't scared of being embarassed, which would make her such a joy to watch. Eat your hearts out Africa!

Anele tapping into her inner diva

Then me. *cue crickets* I make a terrible first impression, absolutely shocking. I'm painfully shy, I live in my head and I'm unsettled by people who seem to have an interest in being friends with me. There's an "I'm not worthy" quality in my personality that I've been trying to shake off for the longest time - abandonment issues. So based on that I would absolutely be voted out first. However if Africa were patient with me they, like everyone else who sticks around in my life, would discover what an "ok" person I am (ok is a gross understatement I'm awesome!).

I've been told I'm funny, smart, beautiful and all sorts of other things which are destructive to the ego. If a gun were held to my head I'd probably acquiesce to the first 2 bold claims, the beauty one I struggle with. I actually don't know how to react to that specific compliment...ever. I mean obviously I'm not a dog but I've never been the most beautiful woman in the room, so that's a compliment that'll have me running in the opposite direction. When you talk about my mind then I'm on familiar ground and I even have comebacks for you.

It's a sad thing really, but growing up with stunning sisters and friends has allowed me to grow into my own and become more comfortable in my own skin. I'm not at the point where I'll bat my lashes coyly yet but I may flash a smile.

I always say, I'm an adequately wrapped present that doesn't work the first time you use it, but as you try more and more often and finally get the gift working you wonder how you got by without it.  

Me rolling like a boss

In the voyeuristic name of Big Brother

I did something stupid last night. I slept at 01:30. Yes in the morning. I tried to tear my eyes away from the Big Brother housemates but I couldn't, I think I may need help.

I've heard all the arguments, "reality TV isn't mentally stimulating", "reality TV isn't even real", "why would you want to watch people just sit around and talk?" and I have an answer everytime! Reality TV does stimulate my mind maybe not as much as reading a book would but stimulation does indeed take place when I indulge in my not-so-guilty pleasure. It's not real, what is?! Reality itself is perception, when I tell you something that I am sure beyond a shadow of a doubt is real someone else could come and tell you the opposite angle of the very same story and both versions are still true. Perception. And as far as watching people sit around and talk, that's exactly why I love the show. We live in a culture that has allowed us to drift further and further away from personal interaction. We have emails, cellphones, Skype, Facebook, Twitter, blogs so many of these things that we use to communicate as opposed to just talking to each other. I find myself wondering how I'd fare if I were stripped of my phone, computer, TV, radio, books, newspapers and I just had to rely on the people sharing my living space to entertain me. Fascinating social experiment.

I love the housemates, the interactions at the moment can be likened to walking on a "kind" landmine - it hasn't decided to blow yet but you know it will. There are too many strong personalities in the house. Here are my impressions and wishes for the season.

Impressions
Lerato: She's hilarious. I get the feeling that she's struggled to click with the housemates in the first 2 days (which I grant is very early) so she stuck to the devil she knows, Meryl. I like Lerato because she's smart and funny and I'm looking forward to watching her this season because I missed her last time.

Meryl: She's so provocative and I haven't quite made up my mind about her.

Yacob: Very intelligent and my sister's are adamant that he's a snake and such a gossip. I've never watched him so I like him.

Mwisho: I didn't like him when he came in because I couldn't figure him out and kinda like his inverted mohawk he's growing on me.

Wishes:
I would love for some love to take place in the house, Jen and Uti would be the cutest BBA couple ever!!! Lerato seems to be crushing on Mwisho, they'd also make a interesting pair. Sheila and Hannington/yacob and Meryl and Munya. Please Big Brother deities make it happen.

Jen and Uti

Having said all that, sleeping at 01:30 has not been one of my brightest ideas. I woke up feeling like I'd just been run over by a bus and I still had to get on that same damn bus! Not a good day. My fear as I sit here is that today will be a repeat performance, pray with me not to let it happen.

Friends who confess

A couple of weeks ago I was visited by 2 of my best high school buddies - I describe them as "high school buddies" not because that's what they remain but because that's the last place we were all together.

To say I had a great time would be a gross understatement! We spoke about everything; boys, books, girls,  God, soccer, school. There wasn't enough time to talk about it all. Kholiwe Maziya, my annoyingly beautiful soulmate came with a bold confession
"guys I want to be an air hostess"
*cue crickets*
Nolwazi and I gave each other quick looks, hers a little more disdainful than mine, and like the good friends we are proceeded to listen to Kholiwe dream. I should mention that Kholiwe is studying towards her Honours this year in Town and Urban Planning. I see you nodding now you understand why this was an absurd confession!

Never one to steer people off the paths they've chosen in life I figured I'd show some support for my friend by making my own radical confession
"guys I want to work on a cruise ship"
*raucous-est laughter*
everyone was rolling around on the floor, I was a little offended, because why discriminate against the ships?
The conversation quickly spiralled out of control with me asking
"Nolwazi aim for the stars with us how does space sound to you?"

After we'd calmed down Nolwazi tells us about her traumatic World Cup experience. If you know Nolwazi you'll understand why the last sentence is bizarre. She went to a fan park with some friends to watch the South Africa vs France game, when Khune (South African goalkeeper) got himself a red card for some fancy footwork in the box, Nolwazi and herfriends decided to leave...but apparently so did the rest of the South African fans. As they're walking out they get separated by the crowd and Nolwazi trips and falls onto the iron railings. The crowd was merciless as they trampled over my petite friend. When she eventually got to the car she thanked God she was safe and then she cried.

It was fun chatting with my buddies, laughing at and with each other...but as with all good things it had to come to an end. Comfort food, comfort friends.

Judgement day

I'm shameless. I judge people all the time...every single person I meet I put into a box. But don't be scurred though...listen.

I'm incredibly open-minded, very tolerant of other people and their beliefs and practices even when they don't match mine - 'cause where's the beauty in a one-coloured rainbow? I was lucky enough to go to  schools which had a diverse group of people, different nationalities, different religions, different sexual preferences, you get my drift. Rather than allow myself to be intimidated by the unfamiliar I wanted to learn about it, digest it and store it somewhere for future reference. I'm so grateful to the pre-teen me who had this non-judgemental attitude which carried over to the post-teen me.

Sadly I am now a hectic judge of character, but I don't judge people based on the things mentioned above. I shamelessly judge people on how they engage my mind.
Do you stimulate my mind?
Is conversing with you beneficial to my mental growth?
What can you teach me that I don't already know?
Can you make me laugh?
Will I think about what you said after I'm gone?
It seems like an easy enough list to conquer but I'm shocked at how many people have very little going on in between the ears.

I had a conversation with my dad once and we were driving by a mosque and,
Him: "Look at these Indians on top of all these shops they've opened up now they have a church here"
Me: Don't they need to worship too?
Him: Well yes but they're taking over Manzini look
He drives into a street where there's a great number of Indian owned shops 
Me: Daddy I still don't get your point so they open up a few shops and they open a church to worship in how does that bother Mr Tshabalala sitting in the comfort of his home all the way in Big Bend?
Him: There's a problem with them taking opportunities that Swazi's should have first choice of.
Me: I'm so glad we're not in the same age group 'cause I don't think I'd like you much. You're judging them for being pro-active and defending Swazi honour for what?

My poor dad I ended up blaming his views on age, he laughed it off and called me naive. We agreed to disagree and shook on it.

You open up a shop and you worship your version of God. Okay. You open up a shop, I come into your shop to sample your wares and the experience leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth because there's no concept of customer care. Not okay.

Engage my mind, make me want an encore. On that basis and on that basis alone do I judge you.

Botox for blogs

I've been struggling for some time to get my blog looking exactly how I wanted it to (I'm computer literate I promise) but the technology proved elusive and tricky to master. Cue entry of the blog whisperer. My good friend Buhle Bonga Mbonambi offered his services to revamp my flailing blog.

I eagerly snapped up the offer on the table. look at our email conversation below.

From: Buhle Mbonambi
Sent: Monday, July 19, 2010 1:58 PM
To: Tshabalala, Nontobeko
Subject: Blog

My friend I saw your blog! Love it. But The header is overlapping and I can't see the title...

From: Tshabalala, Nontobeko

Sent: 19 July 2010 14:02 To: Buhle Mbonambi
Subject: RE: Blog


Ahhh friend yes was meaning to email you about pimping it for me…hook a girl up!

From: Buhle Mbonambi

Sent: Monday, July 19, 2010 2:25 PM To: Tshabalala, Nontobeko
Subject: RE: Blog

will do. give me your details busy interviewing JC


From: Tshabalala, Nontobeko [mailto:TshabalalaN@bproj.co.za]

Sent: 19 July 2010 14:23
To: Buhle Mbonambi
Subject: RE: Blog


Who’s JC


What details you need? Email and password?


From: Buhle Mbonambi

Sent: Monday, July 19, 2010 2:41 PM To: Tshabalala, Nontobeko
Subject: RE: Blog
 Joyous celebration

yeah. Your username and password.
I WILL NOT CHECK YOUR EMAILS. I can't anyway coz webmail is banned during weekdays.
What colours would you like?
see pat's blog- http://www.lifeaccordingtopatiswa.blogspot.com/

my blog: http://www.bbmfashion.blogspot.com/

From: Tshabalala, Nontobeko [mailto:TshabalalaN@bproj.co.za]

Sent: 19 July 2010 14:41
To: Buhle Mbonambi
Subject: RE: Blog


LOL I know you wouldn’t 


Username: nono.tshabalala@gmail.com
Password: you wish I would!
I want Brown, black and a deep red almost maroonish as my colours.
Lemme know as you go so I can check on progress and let you know if we’re on the same page  listen to me sounding like I’m paying you…

From: Buhle Mbonambi


Sent: Mon 7/19/2010 2:58 PM
To: Tshabalala, Nontobeko

LMAO... we want you to get readers onto your blog missy! So it must look hawt. Oh and you needs to add it to your news thingy on Snaptu



I logged on first thing this morning to check if he walked the the talk and I am in love with my new blog...like it had a face lift, same girl only prettier! I recommend his services highly and beyond that he's an amazing journalist, a great friend and who knew he's the blog whisperer too!

Big Brother the return

My sisters and I stayed up late last night watching the first episode/day of Big Brother Africa 3. We are such warriors for reality TV - rehab has been proposed and promptly rejected. So it began with Idols which had us rolling on the floor with laughter. Then it moved on to BBA which we had been anticipating eagerly.

What an interesting bunch of people! So controversial, so outspoken...good times ahead. Who can forget Tatiana and her scorching romance with the married Richard. Munya and his quick decline in popularity after he did the nookie with Tawana. Lerato and Meryl *cue the untouchables*. Uti's sudden outburst after Lucille was evicted which left people speculating on whether he nursed secret feelings for her. Jen's sudden departure. Yacob's scheming. Sheila's astonishing beauty and her tom-boyish behaviour.

Last night Twitter was buzzing with comments about Tatiana's shameless flirting with Sean Paul, @khayadlanga said "Tatiana would really like to have Sean Paul's babies, if not babies at least to practice making them". BBA coupled with Twitter will make for great viewing.

It will be an undoubtedly great season of BBA. Kinda like putting all the bullies and popular kids in the same playground to see who survives. Don't you love it?

Wait till i get my money right...

It's been a while since I blogged. I've been busy dealing with incompetence, sulky old people and other such inconveniences.

The financial department at work overtaxed me this month. Bad move. My dad is the System and payroll manager for Illovo so when I queried this with him he whipped out laws and tables and calculations which my mind immediately interpreted as gibberish that should under no circumstances be deciphered. But this was my money!!! So I forged on forcing myself to understand what the calculations mean so I could go to them armed with indisputable knowledge.

I email them highlighting the "oversight" regarding taxes and they reply 2 days later...I'm still shaking my head when I think about how lackadaisal they were about the whole issue.

To cut a long story short, I got my money about a week later. *dusts shoulder*

Enlightened

I'm working as a secretary at this engineering consultancy company and I am having a serious problem. I work with a good group of people, except for this one poor misguided soul who thinks because I work as a secretary that is all I am. I'm sure he'd be crushed if he heard that I'm a graduate.

My problem with this man is not so much how he treats me but his narrow-mindedness. He judges people by their stations in life, a whole grown man, someones WHOLE father is going to pass on that superiority complex onto his children. It's tragic to watch how he deals with the people he perceives to be beneath him, it's also very enlightening.

One of my virtues is tolerance of other people, be it sexual orientation, religious beliefs (or lack thereof), race, gender you name it. I'm too educated to be judgemental, I need more than the colour of your skin, the level of your job or the name of your God to make a complete perusal of someone.

What today made me realise though is that my mind works very differently to other minds...not better, not worse, just different.

How to be a gold digger

"If you f****ng with this girl then you better be payed. You know why...it takes too much to touch her" Mr West says.



Ladies, ladies, ladies we all need for guys to know that it takes too much to touch us! Over the years I think I've mastered the art of gold-digging and I wouldn't be honouring the sisterhood if I didn't share my findings with y'all.


Whip out your notebooks sit back and document what a consumate gold digger is and how to be one;



1. Be attractive

Men are visual beings. You need to highlight your assets, those that have nothing to do with physical beauty. Are you funny? Are you generous? Are you considerate? Let these be the things you nurture, because if you're digging for gold where I want you to, the type of man you're going to attract isn't swayed by mini skirts, blood red lips or 6 inch heels. He sees the soul and admires the beauty of that which other boys overlook.



2. Don't be obvious that you're a gold digger

Men are strange creatures. Something about desperation has them running in the opposite direction. So keep your cool and approach your Mr right with caution.



3. Find something that connects you to rich men

The rich men you should be trying to connect with are those rich in spirit, rich in values...you get my drift. Men who are rich in monetary terms often don't understand the need to nurture they're hearts. Having said that I'm not saying hunt down a pauper and make him Mr Right! love and fresh air don't pay the bills.



So those are my 3 tips for gold digging- the right kind. If you're lucky you may be digging for gold and strike platinum.

Dreaming about a boy...

I've always known what I wanted when it came to relationships, and I wasn't willing to compromise. With the naivety of someone with very little understanding of how the world works I had standards and I refused to relax them.

Armed with this mentality I began dating...To say it was challenging would be being very prudent with the truth. I saw the world through rose-coloured spectacles, thanks to my childhood heroes, Sleeping beauty, Cinderella, Rapunzel and the bossest biatch of them all, Snow white! Oh how badly I needed someone to tell me that life doesn't have a happily ever after, how desperately I needed to believe in the power of Nono and stop living vicariously through these girls who were doomed to a "happily ever after"

My first boyfriend was really a huge experiment, I wanted to figure out what my relationship identity was. (I hope he doesn't see this he might feel used even if he does we're great friends now right...?) In retrospect this relationship was doomed to fail because among other things, we never spoke to each other (I don't use the word "never" lightly) we wrote letters - he might actually be the reason I became a journalist. Written word became so serious for me, what I could never imagine articulating, flowed easily through the tip of my pen.

The butterflies in our tummies and the letters were enough for us...I should mention that he had already dated 2 girls in my grade so yes I had snagged myself a badboy! Fastforward to our Grade 7 leavers night; where we held hands for the first time. If he thought I was quiet before he must have speculated that he was dating a mute that night. I was so scared, so happy, so many things to say but no courage to say them in case I opened my mouth to speak and the butterflies that were crumping in my tummy flew out to land on his lips and give him the kiss I longed to. Yes yes judge away I was a skank! Sadly we broke up shortly after but we remained good friends.

Then I met a string of other guys who I thought I liked, some of them I actually did, but these guys ALL cheated on me and this traumatised me to no end because I had abandonment issues (my mom left when I was 5 but that's a whole other post). There was always someone prettier than me, smarter than me and an annoyingly overwhelming girls who were hotter than me. So like bees to honey they went, and I stayed with my rigid standards.

Then I met a man, yes a man. He didn't sweep me off my feet 'cause I didn't like him at first. He worked his way into my heart, ours wasn't a fiery, all consuming love...it was patient, it was cautious, it was curious and it was real. He wasn't perfect though 'cause he cheated on me too, but now I was no longer naive, I was jaded (I'm not sure which is the lesser evil) so I stayed and allowed him to regain my trust. It wasn't easy. It took us a long time to leave scared for cautious, insecure for patient and accusatory for curious again. But we made it.

My point is, fairytales are an amazing basis for what you want in a relationship but they can't be ALL you're armed with when you face the world. Romantic comedies are great, but in real life boy meets girl, boy loses girl...usually ends there. Self-knowledge is important, self-love even more so. In the sleep that was my youth I was dreaming about a boy in the reality that is my present I found a man. But before finding him I found me.