My life continues to amaze me. Little blessings, small mercies. My sisters make me laugh till my stomach hurts, my Dad continues to share his pearls of wisdom, my mom is still trying to find out what's going on in my life by interrogating my sisters who are useless allies to have. "I thank you God for this most amazing" ee cummings knew what was up when he wrote that poem. It feels like my personal life is finally where it should be.
I'm happy, nervous, anxious, moody but just very happy right through that kaleidoscope of emotions. My sisters have the strangest conversations, yesterday Tema, my 12 year old sister walks into Ayanda's bedroom and Ayanda had just woken up from a nap. Tema sits at the foot of her bed and stares at her. Pause.
Ayanda "What are you doing?"
Tema "Nothing, I just want to spend time with you."
Cute or creepy. But this is my life, these are the people I live with.
I've also found a slice of happiness too but that's all I'll say for now. I've found my smile again and I don't know how to switch it off. I don't want to switch it off.
Life hasn't been without it's hurdles but I used to be an athlete many moons ago so it ain't even no thang!
God's been great. My life's been behaving. I'm in a good place and I'd like to stay here for as long as possible before the train pulls out and takes me to the next stop.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Still smiling
I've neglected my digital homies for a while now. My life has just been a rollercoaster ride, without the restraints to stop me falling on my head. I've been feeling pulled and pushed every which way, and maybe the reason I haven't been coping as well as usual is because I haven't put pen to paper (you know what I mean) in a while.
My head is spinning, my heart is racing, I just wish everything could slow down and let me catch a breath but time waits for no man. No matter how awesome. I need a hiatus, get away from everyone, everything and regroup, take things back to the drawing board, outline my aims and objectives. I get so caught up with trying to make sure everyone's happy, my smile is always ready to brighten up someone's day. There's a cliche; "smiling at someone takes nothing away from the giver" (I actually may have just made that up). Anyway I discovered that that's not altogether true, smiling when you really have no business to is taxing, slowly eating away at you until your smile carries no weight. I've spent the last few weeks smiling at everyone and I just recently realised that I've done very little smiling to the pretty something in the mirror.
Anyway, don't you guys ever get the feeling that if you talk about something too much it just gets weird like I may never smile again 'cause: see previous paragraph! But as usual I digress.
Stressed, neurotic, happy, excited - no matter how I feel I stay awesome. Someone's gotta do it.
My head is spinning, my heart is racing, I just wish everything could slow down and let me catch a breath but time waits for no man. No matter how awesome. I need a hiatus, get away from everyone, everything and regroup, take things back to the drawing board, outline my aims and objectives. I get so caught up with trying to make sure everyone's happy, my smile is always ready to brighten up someone's day. There's a cliche; "smiling at someone takes nothing away from the giver" (I actually may have just made that up). Anyway I discovered that that's not altogether true, smiling when you really have no business to is taxing, slowly eating away at you until your smile carries no weight. I've spent the last few weeks smiling at everyone and I just recently realised that I've done very little smiling to the pretty something in the mirror.
Anyway, don't you guys ever get the feeling that if you talk about something too much it just gets weird like I may never smile again 'cause: see previous paragraph! But as usual I digress.
Stressed, neurotic, happy, excited - no matter how I feel I stay awesome. Someone's gotta do it.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
A rose by any other name...still as sweet?
It's never easy to admit that Superwoman's having an off day, but alas yesterday afternoon my cape had to be hung in the coats closet. I felt it necessary to put emphasis on the possessive pronoun because some people might be tempted to have such blasphemous thoughts of there being another Superwoman than myself. Well now you know.
I'm so good at compartmentalising my life, the daughter, girlfriend, sister, employee and friend very seldom meet unless of course dark alleys and bottles of hard liquor are involved. Seriously though I don't know why my mind does this but the relationships I have with the different people in my life are all very distinct and almost from different personalities altogether. I'm an obedient daughter but my parents know better than to reprimand me for whatever transgressions they believe me to be guilty of without an airtight case. I'm sure they remember nostalgically the days I used to nod my head in compliance and be on my not-so-merry way.
I'm a laid-back sister, my siblings know to come to me for advice, and they know I don't blow my top with them. I'm a paragon of sisterly virtue. I spoil them when I can, I push them to do their best, I encourage them, I'm what commoners reverently call awesome.
Then there's the attentive efficient employee, the doting albeit hot-headed girlfriend. These are the many facets to my personality, sometimes I convince myself that I have so many faces because I'm complex but in light of recent events (there are no recent events it just felt like the perfect place to put that phrase) I've come to realise that I'm brutally simple. When I'm speaking to you, you will absolutely feel like you're the most important person in my life at that moment, most probably because you are.
I don't know what I'm saying anymore. This was supposed to be about Superwoman now I'm coming across as some decrepit superhero with a wet cape, not a good look, "so I put on my make-up put a smile on my face and if anyone asks me everything is okay..." My point is the daughter doesn't know the sister and neither of them know the girlfriend. I have many faces, I wear many hats, yesterday the balancing act was too much and I was one person. I was exhausted when I went to bed because the employee thinks the daughter is a little too headstrong and the girlfriend thinks the sister is too virtuous.
Sleep came swiftly and I answered its call immediately. Today I'm back to juggling hats and everybody is none the wiser. Usually people struggle with people judging them. How do you reconcile your spirit if the judging is within?
I'm so good at compartmentalising my life, the daughter, girlfriend, sister, employee and friend very seldom meet unless of course dark alleys and bottles of hard liquor are involved. Seriously though I don't know why my mind does this but the relationships I have with the different people in my life are all very distinct and almost from different personalities altogether. I'm an obedient daughter but my parents know better than to reprimand me for whatever transgressions they believe me to be guilty of without an airtight case. I'm sure they remember nostalgically the days I used to nod my head in compliance and be on my not-so-merry way.
I'm a laid-back sister, my siblings know to come to me for advice, and they know I don't blow my top with them. I'm a paragon of sisterly virtue. I spoil them when I can, I push them to do their best, I encourage them, I'm what commoners reverently call awesome.
Then there's the attentive efficient employee, the doting albeit hot-headed girlfriend. These are the many facets to my personality, sometimes I convince myself that I have so many faces because I'm complex but in light of recent events (there are no recent events it just felt like the perfect place to put that phrase) I've come to realise that I'm brutally simple. When I'm speaking to you, you will absolutely feel like you're the most important person in my life at that moment, most probably because you are.
I don't know what I'm saying anymore. This was supposed to be about Superwoman now I'm coming across as some decrepit superhero with a wet cape, not a good look, "so I put on my make-up put a smile on my face and if anyone asks me everything is okay..." My point is the daughter doesn't know the sister and neither of them know the girlfriend. I have many faces, I wear many hats, yesterday the balancing act was too much and I was one person. I was exhausted when I went to bed because the employee thinks the daughter is a little too headstrong and the girlfriend thinks the sister is too virtuous.
Sleep came swiftly and I answered its call immediately. Today I'm back to juggling hats and everybody is none the wiser. Usually people struggle with people judging them. How do you reconcile your spirit if the judging is within?
Employee
Sister
Daughter
Friend
Friday, October 8, 2010
Textually challenged
Hi my name is Nono and I use Facebook and twitter ALOT. I've been an avid Facebooker since 2007 and the appeal it had for me was connecting with old friends and cementing relationships with current ones. However as with any well planned party a few gate-crashers managed to cheat the system and I was probably high off my growing popularity in my social media sphere, I began accepting people I didn't know, people I would never know. At first I used to make an effort to chat to my new digi-pals then I just lost interest, I'm very fickle (or whatever being a Gemini is about). So my friend count just kept increasing and all these people whose lives I had no interest in were appearing on my timeline talking about what they were planning on getting up to on a given day, or who they saw and what they thought about who they saw.
I then had a rare moment of clarity to reflect on the bizarreness of my relationship with all my social media non-friends and I went on a deleting spree. My finger is still a little crooked from all that clicking. Then I began working at Soul Magazine and I needed people to be the sources of my articles and because I now had no strange people on my friends list, only people I knew, people who wouldn't help me with a story if I begged, bribed or blackmailed. Then the vicious cycle of accepting people I don't personally know began again, but at least this time they were helpful. So I studied people's status updates and based on that decided who to approach for what.
I no longer have standards when it comes to accepting friends (on Facebook) but a few of my real-life friends put a bit of weight behind this statement, but still I love. But every social media slorebag has to suffer for her sins; show me a girl who hasn't had a relationship proposal from a stranger sent to their inbox and I'll show you ten who have! Just yesterday I received a "I wld love 2 date u" last week: "Gorgious how are you doing today?" err is that the same as gorgeous? Same week: "You have such a sexy bum wld luv to touch it" and so it goes. On the basis of these brave brave men not knowing how to write they fail, I assume their not knowing how to write is directly related to not knowing how to read because my profile clearly states that I am in a relationship.
I'm still debating whether or not to go on another deleting spree, but if I do who will be the willing guinea pigs for my journalistic escapades? I think until the time comes when my friends allow me to tell their stories, interesting alcohol-fuelled ones might I add I am resigned to a life of accepting friend requests and being textually harrased via inbox.
I then had a rare moment of clarity to reflect on the bizarreness of my relationship with all my social media non-friends and I went on a deleting spree. My finger is still a little crooked from all that clicking. Then I began working at Soul Magazine and I needed people to be the sources of my articles and because I now had no strange people on my friends list, only people I knew, people who wouldn't help me with a story if I begged, bribed or blackmailed. Then the vicious cycle of accepting people I don't personally know began again, but at least this time they were helpful. So I studied people's status updates and based on that decided who to approach for what.
I no longer have standards when it comes to accepting friends (on Facebook) but a few of my real-life friends put a bit of weight behind this statement, but still I love. But every social media slorebag has to suffer for her sins; show me a girl who hasn't had a relationship proposal from a stranger sent to their inbox and I'll show you ten who have! Just yesterday I received a "I wld love 2 date u" last week: "Gorgious how are you doing today?" err is that the same as gorgeous? Same week: "You have such a sexy bum wld luv to touch it" and so it goes. On the basis of these brave brave men not knowing how to write they fail, I assume their not knowing how to write is directly related to not knowing how to read because my profile clearly states that I am in a relationship.
I'm still debating whether or not to go on another deleting spree, but if I do who will be the willing guinea pigs for my journalistic escapades? I think until the time comes when my friends allow me to tell their stories, interesting alcohol-fuelled ones might I add I am resigned to a life of accepting friend requests and being textually harrased via inbox.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
25 reasons I am so awesome
1. Anele and Ayanda Tshabalala are my sisters and best friends. Blood sisters!!
2. I love fried onions. I put them in everything...well except for cereal and cake and ice-cream etc but they go in everything else.
3. I didn't know I wanted to be a journalist until after matric.
4. I'm a committed Christian. God's been too good to me for me to be any other way. I don't, however, believe in the Church.
5. I hate seeing misspelt words. Before I went for anger management classes I had been known to hurt people over this.
6. My, punctuation is. dodgy 'but I welcome: the judgement.
7. My left eye can't see without the aid of glasses. "Blind as a bat" is an apt description of me.
8. I like telling people I'm married...cause I am.
9. I had my first taste of alcohol when I was 12. It was a sip really then again in tertiary. Such a badgirl!
10. I love sports.
11. My biggest character flaw is that I'm neurotic. It's really bad, I stress over the smallest things and I've even mastered the art of passing on my nervous energy to whoever is unlucky enough to be around me at that time.
12. I am a bad judge of character. Absolutely terrible, but you don't seem too bad.
13. I'm a closet vegetarian. The intentions are there but the body is weak.
14. I can't fall asleep unless I've done a bit of reading.
15. I'm very tolerant and open-minded about people. Discrimination isn't in my vocabulary.
16. My mom left us when I was 5. I thought she was going to town...she never came back.
17. I was painfully shy when I was younger. Then I discovered humour and hid behind that, so when I crack jokes (often the self-deprecating kind) non-stop it probably means I'm covering up.
18. I can't sing but I was in the choir from grade 4 to Matric. I'm persuasive.
19. I learnt how to swim, unaided, in grade 7.
20. I'm annoyingly ticklish.
21. I don't eat Oats or Weetbix.
22. I LOVE pizzas and pastas. I'm convinced I was Italian in a past life, maybe even a part of the mafia because that's just how awesome I am and we all know organised crime is cool.
23. I'm self conscious about my eyes. When people are talking to me it comes across like they're boring me. So not true it's these small eyes.
24. I love hard. One of my many imperfections.
25. I love music. I can't dance, I can't sing, I can't even hum but I love music.
2. I love fried onions. I put them in everything...well except for cereal and cake and ice-cream etc but they go in everything else.
3. I didn't know I wanted to be a journalist until after matric.
4. I'm a committed Christian. God's been too good to me for me to be any other way. I don't, however, believe in the Church.
5. I hate seeing misspelt words. Before I went for anger management classes I had been known to hurt people over this.
6. My, punctuation is. dodgy 'but I welcome: the judgement.
7. My left eye can't see without the aid of glasses. "Blind as a bat" is an apt description of me.
8. I like telling people I'm married...cause I am.
9. I had my first taste of alcohol when I was 12. It was a sip really then again in tertiary. Such a badgirl!
10. I love sports.
11. My biggest character flaw is that I'm neurotic. It's really bad, I stress over the smallest things and I've even mastered the art of passing on my nervous energy to whoever is unlucky enough to be around me at that time.
12. I am a bad judge of character. Absolutely terrible, but you don't seem too bad.
13. I'm a closet vegetarian. The intentions are there but the body is weak.
14. I can't fall asleep unless I've done a bit of reading.
15. I'm very tolerant and open-minded about people. Discrimination isn't in my vocabulary.
16. My mom left us when I was 5. I thought she was going to town...she never came back.
17. I was painfully shy when I was younger. Then I discovered humour and hid behind that, so when I crack jokes (often the self-deprecating kind) non-stop it probably means I'm covering up.
18. I can't sing but I was in the choir from grade 4 to Matric. I'm persuasive.
19. I learnt how to swim, unaided, in grade 7.
20. I'm annoyingly ticklish.
21. I don't eat Oats or Weetbix.
22. I LOVE pizzas and pastas. I'm convinced I was Italian in a past life, maybe even a part of the mafia because that's just how awesome I am and we all know organised crime is cool.
23. I'm self conscious about my eyes. When people are talking to me it comes across like they're boring me. So not true it's these small eyes.
24. I love hard. One of my many imperfections.
25. I love music. I can't dance, I can't sing, I can't even hum but I love music.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Forgive me father for I have...molested little boys.
Catholics are contagious. Before people cross themselves let me clarify. I believe it's common knowledge that since the beginning of time (no, really) Catholic priests have been molesting alter boys, but still young boys scramble for this "coveted" position, I'm reminded of a sacrificial lamb being sent to slaughter. The church publicly abhors this conduct but I feel they don't do enough to separate the wheat from the chaff with regards to their Priests. I can only imagine what it must be like for those young boys to be violated by someone the community respects.
A few weeks ago I was watching Steve Harvey's "Don't trip He aint through with me yet" where he poked fun at the church and on a more serious note he said he feels that a lot of the Priests and Pastors sitting in a confessional waiting to absolve Christians of their sins should be the one's doing the confessing.
To further cement this point I just read an article on a blog about Bishop Eddie Long and his alleged abuse of young boys in his ministry. This makes my blood run cold, that grown men do this and all while hiding behind religious garb. It reminds me of my cousins’ funeral this past weekend where I was particularly moved by the service and the man officiating it. On the way home after the funeral my Dad and me were discussing the funeral then he says "the only thing I had a problem with was the MC". I was confused because I thought he did a pretty good job. Then he elaborated that the man had recently been suspended from the Church and this was his first official Church task since he came back, and the reason for his suspension was that he had been accused of paedophilia!
Now keep in mind that this man lives in a rural town, he's a man of the cloth and he's married. But he was tempted successfully, now he'll always be the man who sodomised so and so. You can't get your good name back after that. When people ask me why I don't believe in the Church, this is one of the reasons. Besides the homosexual nature of the crime, and it being an "unAfrican" thing to do, you also break the spirits of these young boys; change and forever distort their destiny.
I know God forgives and loves his children because his capacity to love is incomprehensible. My aunt always says "behind the collar is a man, never forget that" and I tend to forget when his sermon moves me. If I was sitting in God's chair Heaven would be a lonely place I'd be sitting behind a NO UNAUTHORISED ACCESS sign and you my dear paedophiles are unauthorised...but I forgive you.
Now off to hell.
A few weeks ago I was watching Steve Harvey's "Don't trip He aint through with me yet" where he poked fun at the church and on a more serious note he said he feels that a lot of the Priests and Pastors sitting in a confessional waiting to absolve Christians of their sins should be the one's doing the confessing.
To further cement this point I just read an article on a blog about Bishop Eddie Long and his alleged abuse of young boys in his ministry. This makes my blood run cold, that grown men do this and all while hiding behind religious garb. It reminds me of my cousins’ funeral this past weekend where I was particularly moved by the service and the man officiating it. On the way home after the funeral my Dad and me were discussing the funeral then he says "the only thing I had a problem with was the MC". I was confused because I thought he did a pretty good job. Then he elaborated that the man had recently been suspended from the Church and this was his first official Church task since he came back, and the reason for his suspension was that he had been accused of paedophilia!
Now keep in mind that this man lives in a rural town, he's a man of the cloth and he's married. But he was tempted successfully, now he'll always be the man who sodomised so and so. You can't get your good name back after that. When people ask me why I don't believe in the Church, this is one of the reasons. Besides the homosexual nature of the crime, and it being an "unAfrican" thing to do, you also break the spirits of these young boys; change and forever distort their destiny.
I know God forgives and loves his children because his capacity to love is incomprehensible. My aunt always says "behind the collar is a man, never forget that" and I tend to forget when his sermon moves me. If I was sitting in God's chair Heaven would be a lonely place I'd be sitting behind a NO UNAUTHORISED ACCESS sign and you my dear paedophiles are unauthorised...but I forgive you.
Now off to hell.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Give us us free!
I haven't blogged in a while. You missed me. Well if you guys can pretend Ne-yo's straight then you can pretend you missed my ramblings.
I've been busy dealing with office politics, family politics, seriously Juju you think you know but you have no idea! The biggest thing that has been going through my mind lately is that my dad forgets that I'm 22 years old and to his frustration I have interests that go beyond the walls of his house. Since I've started working at this expansion project I've received numerous invitations to go out with my colleagues but there's something in my dad's psyche that prevents him from being able to let his daughters have age-appropriate fun. So getting him to let me go out is like pulling teeth.
By nature I'm a home-body, so I was never a troublesome child who ran from home or any other such delinquent inspired behaviour, which is why I don't understand his reluctance to let me go out now. I lived for three years away from home, if I was going to get up to anything suspect it would have been done already. He is of the staunch belief that everyone is out to corrupt his daughters..."I don't know how to tell you this dad but I'm the corrupter"! He'd probably pass out if I said that to him but I don't understand parents who keep their children so "protected" from the outside world. I understand restrictions, I understand rules, even limited freedom makes sense to me but if that spills over into the life of a young adult it just breeds curiosity.
My colleagues go out for drinks regularly, I'm not a big drinker but I do like to hang out with them socially, it does wonders for the work relationship. My dad needs to subscribe to my forward thinking mentality...or I need to move out. Decisions decisions.
I've been busy dealing with office politics, family politics, seriously Juju you think you know but you have no idea! The biggest thing that has been going through my mind lately is that my dad forgets that I'm 22 years old and to his frustration I have interests that go beyond the walls of his house. Since I've started working at this expansion project I've received numerous invitations to go out with my colleagues but there's something in my dad's psyche that prevents him from being able to let his daughters have age-appropriate fun. So getting him to let me go out is like pulling teeth.
By nature I'm a home-body, so I was never a troublesome child who ran from home or any other such delinquent inspired behaviour, which is why I don't understand his reluctance to let me go out now. I lived for three years away from home, if I was going to get up to anything suspect it would have been done already. He is of the staunch belief that everyone is out to corrupt his daughters..."I don't know how to tell you this dad but I'm the corrupter"! He'd probably pass out if I said that to him but I don't understand parents who keep their children so "protected" from the outside world. I understand restrictions, I understand rules, even limited freedom makes sense to me but if that spills over into the life of a young adult it just breeds curiosity.
My colleagues go out for drinks regularly, I'm not a big drinker but I do like to hang out with them socially, it does wonders for the work relationship. My dad needs to subscribe to my forward thinking mentality...or I need to move out. Decisions decisions.
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