Judgement day

I'm shameless. I judge people all the time...every single person I meet I put into a box. But don't be scurred though...listen.

I'm incredibly open-minded, very tolerant of other people and their beliefs and practices even when they don't match mine - 'cause where's the beauty in a one-coloured rainbow? I was lucky enough to go to  schools which had a diverse group of people, different nationalities, different religions, different sexual preferences, you get my drift. Rather than allow myself to be intimidated by the unfamiliar I wanted to learn about it, digest it and store it somewhere for future reference. I'm so grateful to the pre-teen me who had this non-judgemental attitude which carried over to the post-teen me.

Sadly I am now a hectic judge of character, but I don't judge people based on the things mentioned above. I shamelessly judge people on how they engage my mind.
Do you stimulate my mind?
Is conversing with you beneficial to my mental growth?
What can you teach me that I don't already know?
Can you make me laugh?
Will I think about what you said after I'm gone?
It seems like an easy enough list to conquer but I'm shocked at how many people have very little going on in between the ears.

I had a conversation with my dad once and we were driving by a mosque and,
Him: "Look at these Indians on top of all these shops they've opened up now they have a church here"
Me: Don't they need to worship too?
Him: Well yes but they're taking over Manzini look
He drives into a street where there's a great number of Indian owned shops 
Me: Daddy I still don't get your point so they open up a few shops and they open a church to worship in how does that bother Mr Tshabalala sitting in the comfort of his home all the way in Big Bend?
Him: There's a problem with them taking opportunities that Swazi's should have first choice of.
Me: I'm so glad we're not in the same age group 'cause I don't think I'd like you much. You're judging them for being pro-active and defending Swazi honour for what?

My poor dad I ended up blaming his views on age, he laughed it off and called me naive. We agreed to disagree and shook on it.

You open up a shop and you worship your version of God. Okay. You open up a shop, I come into your shop to sample your wares and the experience leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth because there's no concept of customer care. Not okay.

Engage my mind, make me want an encore. On that basis and on that basis alone do I judge you.

Botox for blogs

I've been struggling for some time to get my blog looking exactly how I wanted it to (I'm computer literate I promise) but the technology proved elusive and tricky to master. Cue entry of the blog whisperer. My good friend Buhle Bonga Mbonambi offered his services to revamp my flailing blog.

I eagerly snapped up the offer on the table. look at our email conversation below.

From: Buhle Mbonambi
Sent: Monday, July 19, 2010 1:58 PM
To: Tshabalala, Nontobeko
Subject: Blog

My friend I saw your blog! Love it. But The header is overlapping and I can't see the title...

From: Tshabalala, Nontobeko

Sent: 19 July 2010 14:02 To: Buhle Mbonambi
Subject: RE: Blog


Ahhh friend yes was meaning to email you about pimping it for me…hook a girl up!

From: Buhle Mbonambi

Sent: Monday, July 19, 2010 2:25 PM To: Tshabalala, Nontobeko
Subject: RE: Blog

will do. give me your details busy interviewing JC


From: Tshabalala, Nontobeko [mailto:TshabalalaN@bproj.co.za]

Sent: 19 July 2010 14:23
To: Buhle Mbonambi
Subject: RE: Blog


Who’s JC


What details you need? Email and password?


From: Buhle Mbonambi

Sent: Monday, July 19, 2010 2:41 PM To: Tshabalala, Nontobeko
Subject: RE: Blog
 Joyous celebration

yeah. Your username and password.
I WILL NOT CHECK YOUR EMAILS. I can't anyway coz webmail is banned during weekdays.
What colours would you like?
see pat's blog- http://www.lifeaccordingtopatiswa.blogspot.com/

my blog: http://www.bbmfashion.blogspot.com/

From: Tshabalala, Nontobeko [mailto:TshabalalaN@bproj.co.za]

Sent: 19 July 2010 14:41
To: Buhle Mbonambi
Subject: RE: Blog


LOL I know you wouldn’t 


Username: nono.tshabalala@gmail.com
Password: you wish I would!
I want Brown, black and a deep red almost maroonish as my colours.
Lemme know as you go so I can check on progress and let you know if we’re on the same page  listen to me sounding like I’m paying you…

From: Buhle Mbonambi


Sent: Mon 7/19/2010 2:58 PM
To: Tshabalala, Nontobeko

LMAO... we want you to get readers onto your blog missy! So it must look hawt. Oh and you needs to add it to your news thingy on Snaptu



I logged on first thing this morning to check if he walked the the talk and I am in love with my new blog...like it had a face lift, same girl only prettier! I recommend his services highly and beyond that he's an amazing journalist, a great friend and who knew he's the blog whisperer too!

Big Brother the return

My sisters and I stayed up late last night watching the first episode/day of Big Brother Africa 3. We are such warriors for reality TV - rehab has been proposed and promptly rejected. So it began with Idols which had us rolling on the floor with laughter. Then it moved on to BBA which we had been anticipating eagerly.

What an interesting bunch of people! So controversial, so outspoken...good times ahead. Who can forget Tatiana and her scorching romance with the married Richard. Munya and his quick decline in popularity after he did the nookie with Tawana. Lerato and Meryl *cue the untouchables*. Uti's sudden outburst after Lucille was evicted which left people speculating on whether he nursed secret feelings for her. Jen's sudden departure. Yacob's scheming. Sheila's astonishing beauty and her tom-boyish behaviour.

Last night Twitter was buzzing with comments about Tatiana's shameless flirting with Sean Paul, @khayadlanga said "Tatiana would really like to have Sean Paul's babies, if not babies at least to practice making them". BBA coupled with Twitter will make for great viewing.

It will be an undoubtedly great season of BBA. Kinda like putting all the bullies and popular kids in the same playground to see who survives. Don't you love it?

Wait till i get my money right...

It's been a while since I blogged. I've been busy dealing with incompetence, sulky old people and other such inconveniences.

The financial department at work overtaxed me this month. Bad move. My dad is the System and payroll manager for Illovo so when I queried this with him he whipped out laws and tables and calculations which my mind immediately interpreted as gibberish that should under no circumstances be deciphered. But this was my money!!! So I forged on forcing myself to understand what the calculations mean so I could go to them armed with indisputable knowledge.

I email them highlighting the "oversight" regarding taxes and they reply 2 days later...I'm still shaking my head when I think about how lackadaisal they were about the whole issue.

To cut a long story short, I got my money about a week later. *dusts shoulder*

Enlightened

I'm working as a secretary at this engineering consultancy company and I am having a serious problem. I work with a good group of people, except for this one poor misguided soul who thinks because I work as a secretary that is all I am. I'm sure he'd be crushed if he heard that I'm a graduate.

My problem with this man is not so much how he treats me but his narrow-mindedness. He judges people by their stations in life, a whole grown man, someones WHOLE father is going to pass on that superiority complex onto his children. It's tragic to watch how he deals with the people he perceives to be beneath him, it's also very enlightening.

One of my virtues is tolerance of other people, be it sexual orientation, religious beliefs (or lack thereof), race, gender you name it. I'm too educated to be judgemental, I need more than the colour of your skin, the level of your job or the name of your God to make a complete perusal of someone.

What today made me realise though is that my mind works very differently to other minds...not better, not worse, just different.

How to be a gold digger

"If you f****ng with this girl then you better be payed. You know why...it takes too much to touch her" Mr West says.



Ladies, ladies, ladies we all need for guys to know that it takes too much to touch us! Over the years I think I've mastered the art of gold-digging and I wouldn't be honouring the sisterhood if I didn't share my findings with y'all.


Whip out your notebooks sit back and document what a consumate gold digger is and how to be one;



1. Be attractive

Men are visual beings. You need to highlight your assets, those that have nothing to do with physical beauty. Are you funny? Are you generous? Are you considerate? Let these be the things you nurture, because if you're digging for gold where I want you to, the type of man you're going to attract isn't swayed by mini skirts, blood red lips or 6 inch heels. He sees the soul and admires the beauty of that which other boys overlook.



2. Don't be obvious that you're a gold digger

Men are strange creatures. Something about desperation has them running in the opposite direction. So keep your cool and approach your Mr right with caution.



3. Find something that connects you to rich men

The rich men you should be trying to connect with are those rich in spirit, rich in values...you get my drift. Men who are rich in monetary terms often don't understand the need to nurture they're hearts. Having said that I'm not saying hunt down a pauper and make him Mr Right! love and fresh air don't pay the bills.



So those are my 3 tips for gold digging- the right kind. If you're lucky you may be digging for gold and strike platinum.

Dreaming about a boy...

I've always known what I wanted when it came to relationships, and I wasn't willing to compromise. With the naivety of someone with very little understanding of how the world works I had standards and I refused to relax them.

Armed with this mentality I began dating...To say it was challenging would be being very prudent with the truth. I saw the world through rose-coloured spectacles, thanks to my childhood heroes, Sleeping beauty, Cinderella, Rapunzel and the bossest biatch of them all, Snow white! Oh how badly I needed someone to tell me that life doesn't have a happily ever after, how desperately I needed to believe in the power of Nono and stop living vicariously through these girls who were doomed to a "happily ever after"

My first boyfriend was really a huge experiment, I wanted to figure out what my relationship identity was. (I hope he doesn't see this he might feel used even if he does we're great friends now right...?) In retrospect this relationship was doomed to fail because among other things, we never spoke to each other (I don't use the word "never" lightly) we wrote letters - he might actually be the reason I became a journalist. Written word became so serious for me, what I could never imagine articulating, flowed easily through the tip of my pen.

The butterflies in our tummies and the letters were enough for us...I should mention that he had already dated 2 girls in my grade so yes I had snagged myself a badboy! Fastforward to our Grade 7 leavers night; where we held hands for the first time. If he thought I was quiet before he must have speculated that he was dating a mute that night. I was so scared, so happy, so many things to say but no courage to say them in case I opened my mouth to speak and the butterflies that were crumping in my tummy flew out to land on his lips and give him the kiss I longed to. Yes yes judge away I was a skank! Sadly we broke up shortly after but we remained good friends.

Then I met a string of other guys who I thought I liked, some of them I actually did, but these guys ALL cheated on me and this traumatised me to no end because I had abandonment issues (my mom left when I was 5 but that's a whole other post). There was always someone prettier than me, smarter than me and an annoyingly overwhelming girls who were hotter than me. So like bees to honey they went, and I stayed with my rigid standards.

Then I met a man, yes a man. He didn't sweep me off my feet 'cause I didn't like him at first. He worked his way into my heart, ours wasn't a fiery, all consuming love...it was patient, it was cautious, it was curious and it was real. He wasn't perfect though 'cause he cheated on me too, but now I was no longer naive, I was jaded (I'm not sure which is the lesser evil) so I stayed and allowed him to regain my trust. It wasn't easy. It took us a long time to leave scared for cautious, insecure for patient and accusatory for curious again. But we made it.

My point is, fairytales are an amazing basis for what you want in a relationship but they can't be ALL you're armed with when you face the world. Romantic comedies are great, but in real life boy meets girl, boy loses girl...usually ends there. Self-knowledge is important, self-love even more so. In the sleep that was my youth I was dreaming about a boy in the reality that is my present I found a man. But before finding him I found me.