I am back froma temporary and necessary hiatus. My life has been going on outside the blogosphere and it has been interesting. new developments that have me excited are happening, opportunistic old men who continue to hit on me are a constant, my family continues to warm my heart with the comedy shows they provide daily, I'm still in love with an amazing man who sees me.
I'm blessed to be here, to be in love with you, you with me and to have words to cement that love. Forgive me for being gone so long. I wrote poems which I would like to share... This one isn't really poem number 5 I just forget the numbering, but for the purpose of this post let's refer to is as that.
No. 5
It’s not that I hate men
It’s just that one of them took something that wasn’t his to take.
Nubile naivety
No guile but all grace
I was new to womanhood and fitting it on for size
When he helped himself to myself.
I’ll never be a blushing bride, or maybe I’ll blush because I left my hymen at the door.
He helped himself to myself and gripped my back as I gritted my teeth
I wouldn’t let him hear my tears. I swallowed them till the saltiness of the Nile ebbed and flowed deep in my belly
How do you raise a boy who takes the life of a girl and flips it over.
Enters without being let in
Drinks without being offered a glass
Turns over chairs and leaves the place in disarray.
And no, I didn’t lead him on
I wasn’t being coy I was being cautious
As he slammed the door and made himself home in myself
Groaning and stretching till he was comfortable
Packing pieces of my dignity in his pocket
I clenched my teeth and thought of my mother
Who never let a man see her tears because daddy didn’t hang around long enough to be introduced to me
She knew men
I was learning.
My heart is like a fist in my chest
And I can’t unclench my teeth long enough to ever let a man kiss me.
To ever make himself home in myself.
©Nontobeko Tshabalala 2011
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